“The Dark Tower” Review ✦✦✧✧✧

19 August, 2017

Director: Nikolaj Arcel
Screenwriters: Nikolaj Arcel, Anders Thomas Jensen, Jeff Pinkner, Akiva Goldsman
Director of Photography: Rasmus Videbæk 
Matthew McConaughey, Idris Elba, Tom Taylor

Synopsis: In a world where a mystical tower prevents evil from destroying the universe, an ancient Gunslinger with an immunity to magic hunts for a mysterious Man in Black who will stop at nothing to alter the division between good and evil.

The Dark Tower Review:

Designed to be cinema’s next fantasy epic but arriving without the ammo needed to hit its ambitious target, “The Dark Tower” is a perplexingly meek interpretation of a literary magnum opus, referencing a universe at the heart of Stephen King’s body of work yet failing to muster the energy necessary to convey its significance. Although far from the worst King adaptation on the market, the film is ailed by the type of writer’s block that only manifests in the transition from page-to-screen. Conceptually sound with an eight-novel universe at its disposal, “The Dark Tower” is struck by a terrible illness, riddled with clichés and monotony, while still bleeding from its many years stuck in development hell.

Closer to being an Uwe Boll alternative to “The NeverEnding Story” than the next “Lord of the Rings” movie, the film tramples over thirty-five years of backstory, proving to be the very worst kind of dud as tens of thousands of pages fall down the drain and re-emerge bruised, broken, and utterly lost. Up there with the year’s cheesiest, “The Dark Tower” is an under-explored and oversold snoozefest with a paint-by-numbers screenplay that simply cannot be sold to those looking for something more than a cheap action movie.

For a story so obsessed with terror and the implication of total evil, “The Dark Tower” feels surprisingly removed from the true horrors at the heart of its story and it squishes itself into the PG-13 bracket without a second thought as McConaughey’s Man in Black hunts for nothing but a pay-cheque in the heart of darkness. Avoiding Spaghetti Western references and tiptoeing around brutal violence and bloodshed, the movie shows little interest in the horror beneath peeling faces and uncapped power, proving unfaithful to its source material with a screenplay that might as well have been written for the next “Flight of the Navigator” reboot.


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The Dark Tower